This as you can imagine is more than a little humbling. I know I am not a spring chicken (apparent by the fact I even use that saying), but now we are just talking will power. Something I have been dreadfully lacking (see last couple of races for examples.)
I have decided I need to push harder at work and at play. I can't let the family down either so this has to be a balance. I feel like I work best when I have a plan. Right now it is to stay fit, not gain too much weight over the holiday (failing). I have put in for two lotteries at the moment, Western States and Hardrock I have somewhere between a slim and none chance to get in, but I don't want to make plans without knowing.
Getting into either of those would need to be a complete game change (but shouldn't I be treating anything like that?) My family would hate me, because now the chances of getting into them are getting slimmer and slimmer so I don't know how many times I would have a chance to do them.
I am thinking if I don't get into either that I will sign up for the Bear again. I was thinking that I would do Pine to Palm, but that isn't a HR qualifier anymore. And while I know that HR is over my paygrade, I feel like I want to try it so I will keep my qualifiers current.
So what is the meaning of all of this. I am just sad and slow but I need to be ok and not ok with that all at the same time.